They Make You Work with People You Can’t Stand
Of all the reasons to hate work teams this is one of the most obvious and the least talked about. We all have people we can’t stand. How is it that they inevitably end up on a team with us?
Teams are supposed to be cohesive units of highly effective individuals. Admitting you would like to rip the face off your teammate would only prove you are not a good team player which would likely put you at odds with one of the ‘core competencies’ of your organization. So it’s better just not to admit it, or go underground with your comments and slander the individual that way. Feelings however, have a nasty way of leaking and finding outlets. You might find yourself disagreeing with everything the person says, dismantling with flawless logic every idea they have, deviously and subtly pointing out how they are the barrier to effectiveness but never, ever admit you can’t stand the sight of them.
Guess what. No one really cares if you like everyone on the team or not. As long as the team is effectively meeting its objectives, the seething rage you feel at the sight of your teammate is your problem. Maybe you’ve heard that if the people on a team don’t get along, the team can’t be as effective as it might be. Who can argue with that? It’s obvious and that’s the problem. Too many teams go through elaborate measures to address pretty obvious interpersonal problems and have done very little to understand what task they should be working on. A team whose members hate each other, but nevertheless work on a clear objective will be much more valuable than a team that does group hugs and has no idea what they’re doing. Get your task stuff clear first and then work on the interpersonal stuff. You’ll encounter fewer interpersonal issues if you go about things in this order, since a lot of interpersonal issues are really task or performance issues in disguise.
One exception. On occasion a team will have such problematic interpersonal issues that nothing else can be effectively focused on. Every time you try to focus on the work issues the interpersonal black hole just sucks that focus into the blackness. It’s not often that teams get to this point but if they do then you do need to sort out this mess before moving on.
There are really two types of interpersonal issues:
Those based in style or preference.
Those based on weird stuff.
Both require one critical factor to resolve them – all parties must want to resolve them. If this is not the case, not only do you have an interpersonal problem, you have a performance problem; with the person(s) not wanting to resolve it.
In the work world probably 95% of interpersonal issues fall into category 1 and can be effectively addressed without too much trouble. Thank heavens category 2 is only 5% because they are weird enough that it can be a big challenge to deal with, especially if they play out with someone in power.
Category 1 interpersonal issues usually require some version of better understanding the style or preference diversity in a team and how to best work with that diversity. There are countless ways of going about this and in essence the team is learning a new language to understand behavior. Like learning any new language it takes time, application, repetition and context. Often an external resource is helpful, just like with learning any language. A half day workshop won’t do the trick. It might get things started but the team will have to keep it going.
Category 2 issues are complex, often loaded with baggage that is hard to surface and likely harder to resolve. That’s why they are weird. Go get outside help. Your not learning a new language here, an old language is being forgotten and a new one invented.
Keep in mind 95% of interpersonal issues are category 1; don’t assume category 2 until all else has failed, including dealing with the issue as a performance issue. Also, even when you are dealing with interpersonal issues, don’t take your eye and focus off the task at hand. When it comes right down to it, no one else in the organization cares about the interpersonal issues on your team. They care about the team producing results.
Discussion and comment points for this post:
How have you effectively worked with interpersonal issues on a team?
Have you ever worked on a team where members really didn’t like each other? Tell us the story!
Have you ever seen an interpersonal issue resolved by making it a performance issue?
When interpersonal issues go underground, what things have you done to deal with this?
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